BEACH HIKE

19:12

It seems as if almost everyone around me has everything planned out about their future – what they want to do, who they want to be and the life they want to live. They have the security of their grades that will ensure they achieve their aspirations, they have the support network that will help them through their exams and they have the motivation I lack…

But, deep under, could it be that we are all the same? Scared and unsure? Lost and somewhat out of control? Screaming and thrashing around internally? Sleepless? Silenced? Feeling a sense of solace that this “doesn’t define who you are”?-

Do our individual exteriors override the commonality of our interiors?

I’m unsure of what or who I am in this moment. I will soon graduate from school- essentially, the home which housed and numbed my growing mind for the past 12 years of my life. I will soon be exposed the greater world- where freedom exists and the routine of school life will eventually distance itself from my mind. I will soon lose friendships that were only sustained by each other's constant presence within our shared home. I will soon depart the pressure, chaos and monotony of the beige walls and plastic wooden desks.

A part of me will miss specific aspects of my home - the photos filled with memories hung on the wall... the grand piano which plays the tunes of laughter... the coffee table which once struggled under the weight of a bounded book containing friendships. But, the other part of me will never forget the tiny imperfections which seem somewhat trivial in retrospect. The peeling corners of wallpaper... stains on the carpet... the constantly dripping taps.

We are often told not to dwell in the past and rather, to focus on the present. But there's a flaw to this analogy. How do I focus on the present when I feel alienated from existence and this moment in time? How do I prevent myself from reverting to old habits and wanting what was once comfortable for me? How do I move into the future and leave everything behind?